I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
