Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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