Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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