He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
