I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
