So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
