You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
