I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
