guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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