Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
