ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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