his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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