hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
