Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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