so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
