They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
