I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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