you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
