a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
