I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
