I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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