i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
