This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
