I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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