looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
