Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
