Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Still dying that you shit outside
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
