Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
