I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
