I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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