All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
