The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
