I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
