Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
