We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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