I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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