This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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