btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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