In America we eat man semen.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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