Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
