I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
