two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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