there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
