Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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