Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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