it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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