My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
