What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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