You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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