you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
