but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
