M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
