i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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