i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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