OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
