If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
